inspiration

thirsty souls
yearn for love

silence is violence
so shut the
fuckup

and let me wallow in this
:perfect=
:imperfection:

this corner speaks only to me
i know its language well
the seductive voice
opposite of reason

it tells me to touch myself
- to jump off and die smiling

the feeling of kneeling is too sweet to ignore

murder

i'd always wanted to know
the feeling of warmth deep inside.

i should have known you'd never let me down
all my doubts, now laid to rest

as i lay here witness to your great kindness
.when all is considered i suppose i (could) find it sweet
that you remembered
my disdain for cold.

the smile that stretched across your lips
you're eyes widening as i grew wetter,
reflected in mine

you promised you'd stay until the end
and you're a man of your word.

'till the last drop.

always surprised

another note
another night

it all flashes.
to be honest ,
it astounds me

here i am,
with hardly anything to say
and this screen is filled with letters.
singular.

combine them.
they usually translate
into pure sexuality

neurotic

greedy hands/
the sweat they suffer daily make them soft on her skin

my aspirations

do not include residing in oakland

oh god how i tire of, all of it.
i am so bored lately, but even though i yearn for my future...i am nervous of what's to come.
to pacify my sometimes sudden mood changing fears, i assure myself that the alternative (being stuck in my parents house) is far worse than the fear that the unknown future instills in me.

soon enough all will be sorted, for better, or worse. i am as always, hoping and planning ..for the former.

i am hoping i will be accepted to ucsc and will then be happy there.
i sometimes wish i could fast forward through two years, i want my life.

blah blah life comes through living.
yes i know, i realize, gather this...i do.

oh fuck.

Thursday

well yesterday was my only day off this week. so here i am sitting in my room waiting for the 30min to pass before i have to go to work.

but yesterday was a good day (for the most part.... the only downside was the severe and weird stomach cramps i had all day)
i went to wc to see my mum and go out to lunch, then i got my nails done....ANNNDDD bought a NEW PURSE! oh man, i have waited so long for a nice new purse its ridiculous. and this one isn't a marc by marc, which is totally shocking for me. it's a michael kors



the good thing is that it was originally $450 and was marked down to $230 :)

anyway, last night garrick spent the night at my house and we just had dinner with my mum and dad and watched a couple movies. pretty mellow night and a nice day.

today i sent out my transcripts to the colleges i applied to. drove to dvc and when i got there they said you had to do it online. which i find extremely annoying. i just hope i sent em to the right addresses, becuz trying to find the addresses was hard. sometimes there was more then one and other times it was hard to even find the address number. if they get messed up im gunna be so pissed.

all right, nothing else has happened. need to save more money as always, should eat better....pretty normal stuff.

here are pictures from last night.

sallisaw, oklahoma

i recently went to sallisaw, oklahoma for vacation with my family. brothersistermotherfather. so we had a good deal of family there. it was fun, boring, annoying, and awesome. it was really cold so we couldnt go out on the four wheelers for hours at a time like we do in the summer. but we still shot guns, fished, rode around on four wheelers, and went to super walmart almost everyday. and i ate at braums way too much too, but its ok cuz i ate junior cheeseburgers :) . anyway, sallisaw isnt exciting but its where all my dads family lives. so it was worth it.

we went becuz we havent all been in years n years and my grandpa has real bad lung problems so it was time to go and see them because they cant travel anymore. all in all im glad i went.

right before i went i had burned my hand pretty bad at work. so i was wearing a bandage most of the time. luckily i am feeling much better and ready to get back to work. i work a couple days this week and then next week its 6days! crazy crazy.